Ep. 200: JoAG x Hellrankers Live: Hellranking Jaws

[00:00:00] Speaker A: All right, all right, all right. [00:00:01] Speaker B: It's the event we've been waiting for all night. It's the jack of all graves crossover with Hellranker's first ever podcast ever, 2024. Let's make some noise for Jack of. [00:00:12] Speaker C: All graves and Hellranker. [00:00:26] Speaker A: Hey friends. [00:00:27] Speaker B: Sup? [00:00:28] Speaker C: Hello. [00:00:29] Speaker D: Hey. [00:00:31] Speaker C: Mark is gonna take us in today, all right, we got a real treat for you. [00:00:35] Speaker B: Listen crew, the thrice blessed, the holiest among the holy, yeah. The ordained, the fucking priests among priests. Do me a favor, let's kick off tonight, but just do me favor, look to your neighbor, look to your neighbor, look deep in their eyes, make it uncomfortable, make it awkward, yeah. And acknowledge for me, think of your own journey here tonight. Think of your own fucking story, think of your history, and know the person next to you also has their own internal fucking struggles that they've overcome to be here tonight. You amongst us here tonight are in the church of hell rankers, the fucking cathedral of Jack of all graves. You are the blessed. Raise your fucking voices. Oh, sure, well, I just start now? [00:01:18] Speaker C: Yeah, I mean, yeah, yeah, take us there. [00:01:19] Speaker B: Look, friends, little something about me, right? As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster. And it makes sense to me, it feels right that here in the shadow of New York City, yes, in a fucking a city, we could have picked a fucking zillion joag. Things to talk about. We could have talked about the son of Sam, we could have talked about the fucking Central park five. We could have talked about the race riots, human trafficking, the crack epidemic, police brutality. I can't skip this opportunity to talk about the mobile. [00:01:52] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm into it. I'm down. Let's do this. [00:01:54] Speaker B: So, you know, I love a journey. You know, I love to go through space and time. So come back with me, if you don't mind. 1920s New York City, take us there. It was the jazz age. [00:02:04] Speaker C: Yeah, buddy. [00:02:05] Speaker B: Harlem, clubs, theaters fucking buzzing, thrumming with the energy of, the incredible energy of live music and dance. We're talking Duke Ellington, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday, Louis Armstrong. Time of huge, almost artistic renaissance in New York City. And Harlem was right at the front. African american culture was in the spotlight in a way it had never been before. Feminine roles were changing also. [00:02:27] Speaker C: Flap core, you know. Who are you? All of us. This is a me. Intro is what's happening here. I'm killing it, I'm loving it, I'm killing it. [00:02:34] Speaker B: It's almost as though I've been learning. [00:02:37] Speaker C: It is a journey. [00:02:41] Speaker B: But no, in women's fashion, hair and hemlines were becoming shorter. Women became more independent, more empowered. At the same time, mass media was taking hold. Hollywood was growing. The studio system of moviemaking was beginning to dominate. Technical improvements in the arts, radio, newspapers alongside movies were really taking hold and helping to impact public opinion, pop culture. The idea that advertising could drive economics was booming. And physically? Physically, the city was changing as well, almost as a mirror of the growing ambition and the broadening horizons of its citizens. In 1930, the Chrysler building opens the Empire State Building. In 1931, the skyline was rising along with the expectations of those on the ground. Let me tell you, those fucking crickets are perfect. The fucking background. How well has this worked? You know what I mean? Like I had anything to do with putting this together. I'm so proud of myself right now. [00:03:43] Speaker C: You're doing the thing that, like all the tv shows do and everything, where it's like, you know, New York, it's almost. It's almost like a character, isn't it? [00:03:54] Speaker A: Marty Scorsese, it's in the water. [00:03:59] Speaker B: But friends, physically, the city was changing, almost as a mirror of that growing ambition. But where there's growth, there's opportunity for all. It's change for all its evolution. NYC of the twenties and thirties was riddled with inequality and poverty. Immigration was colossal. Kind of italian, irish, jewish families were all flock into NYC. But what they found was a lack of legitimate legal opportunities. All of the construction led to labour exploitation with the desperation of the Great Depression leading to a weak and corrupt police force who would happily turn a blind eye to the exploitation of the workforce for a slice of the proceeds of that organized crime. [00:04:37] Speaker C: Thankfully, that doesn't happen anymore. Thank you. [00:04:40] Speaker B: Listen, it's been a great. As a population, we beat all that. We've left that behind. Think about it. Most gambling was illegal during the depression, so street level gambling dens flourished alongside prostitution, drugs, and on a less positive note, loan sharging and other kind of petty criminal enterprises that flourished thanks to the laws of supply and demand. Now, the biggest opportunity by far came from prohibition. The 18th amendment had outlawed the manufacture, sale and distribution of alcohol. What the fuck is that about? [00:05:17] Speaker A: You know what I'm saying? [00:05:18] Speaker C: Let me tell you what that's about, right? That's my job here as your american studies historian. It came from a good place, right? Because think about it, at the time, people were straight up, like drinking on the job and shit like that. So for one thing, you're already losing your arms in factories, like adding some whiskey to it was not great. Also, you had this problem where it was like dudes were getting this tiny little pit in some money, and then they were on the way home, hitting the saloon and drinking all of the money and then coming home and hitting their wives because they were broke and full of whiskey. So, like, the idea behind it made sense. [00:06:01] Speaker A: Seems like they were avoiding dealing with systemic issues. Well, yeah, I can't believe they do that. Doesn't sound familiar. [00:06:11] Speaker C: Yeah, they legislated it instead of changing the material conditions of the people of New York again. [00:06:17] Speaker B: Thank God that's the thing of the past come so far. Fucking Star Trek utopia, which we all know live. So look what happened. What filled the void? Criminal enterprise. Yes. Bootlegging became the most lucrative illicit business in the city. That constant flow of revenue, it helped upgrade street gangs into more powerful organizations, taking advantage of an already shit as fuck police force. Speakeasies and smuggling operations put money in the pockets of cops as well as judges as well as politicians, creating that perfect environment for street level brutality as the crime families began to form. Now, one of the coolest things about. [00:07:00] Speaker C: All this, if you're looking for the cool part, trust me, one of the. [00:07:04] Speaker B: Coolest things about all this was the kind of the diversity of the mob at the time. [00:07:10] Speaker C: It's a girl boss sort of situation. Honestly, you know. [00:07:15] Speaker B: You see an opening, you go for it. And that booming immigrant population led to rising leaders across every represented ethnicity. We had jewish american mobs. There were, you know, they were responsible for kind of gambling and bootlegging. Then you had african american groups who ran the numbers rackets. You had irish american mobs. [00:07:33] Speaker C: Hold on. What is a numbers racket? They're just like control of math. [00:07:39] Speaker B: I'm so glad you asked. [00:07:40] Speaker A: Math has to be different. [00:07:43] Speaker B: We know that. Math is a myth. Yeah, it's made up. And those particular mobs use that? [00:07:50] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:07:52] Speaker C: You know, just like a big sudoku ring. [00:07:54] Speaker A: Today we call them investment groups. Yeah. [00:07:56] Speaker B: Hey, Steve, I'm a fellow mobster. Yes. These were those who, you know, give me some coin and I'll charge you more coin for that. [00:08:06] Speaker C: Okay? [00:08:06] Speaker B: You know the numbers guys? [00:08:08] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, no, I'm on board. I need no further information. [00:08:12] Speaker B: But the Irish Americans, they were the guys who had a hand in kind of labor racketeering. [00:08:16] Speaker C: Where my Irish Americans at? In here, right? Whoo. Criminals. [00:08:22] Speaker D: So watch out. [00:08:24] Speaker B: But let me tell you, it was the Italians. It was the Italians who had that bootlegging all stitched the fuck up, right? They were the guys who had a grip on the hooch business. They brought you guys. [00:08:38] Speaker C: Remember that song who got the hooch? [00:08:40] Speaker A: I do. [00:08:41] Speaker C: It's Irish Americans, apparently. [00:08:52] Speaker B: I got the hooch. The Italians were the ones who had the hooch, okay? And what they brought from Sicily was that tight organizational style. Now, I'm the only Brit in this backyard, which is why, when I say that we had an alcopop called Hooch in british culture, like, 20 years ago. [00:09:12] Speaker C: Sorry, you're gonna have to start at Alcopop first here. [00:09:15] Speaker B: Oh, sorry. You call it. Excuse me? Hard cider. [00:09:19] Speaker D: Oh, that is hard seltzer. [00:09:23] Speaker C: Yeah, I thought this was good. Like, you know, like a style of some marketing genius. [00:09:27] Speaker A: Alcohol pop sounds great. [00:09:29] Speaker B: That's what they're called. Literally on the can. Um, some marketing genius, kind of. In the turn of the millennium, between nineties and two, thousands, had this idea, hey, what if we. What if booze but marketed at children? [00:09:38] Speaker A: Oh, well. Well, yeah, that's novel. We have that here. And. [00:09:42] Speaker B: Yeah, chief among those was hooch. Apple flavor. Like a lemonade. Like a boozy lemonade. The Sicilians would have fucking loved it. [00:09:48] Speaker A: I swear to God. [00:09:50] Speaker B: But, yeah, they brought that organization tapped into the traditional old ways. The code of silence, omurta. You know, the fucking. The silence. The brutality. The emotional slaying of their rivals as they grabbed power across the city. [00:10:03] Speaker C: Did you say emotional slaying? [00:10:06] Speaker B: Emotionless. [00:10:07] Speaker C: Emotionless. [00:10:08] Speaker A: Emotionless. [00:10:09] Speaker C: It's like. [00:10:09] Speaker D: Tell me more. [00:10:10] Speaker A: I thought they were out here. [00:10:11] Speaker B: I'm open to. Did I say emotionless? [00:10:12] Speaker C: Straight up gaslighting. [00:10:13] Speaker A: People like, that shirt does not work with that fair power. [00:10:17] Speaker B: For every bullet, they shed a tear. [00:10:18] Speaker A: Right. [00:10:19] Speaker B: This was emotional. [00:10:20] Speaker A: I'm fucking sorry, man. [00:10:24] Speaker B: So let's talk about these. Let's talk about how the kind of. The disparate kind of family organization became something more organized. It was at the turn of the decade, between the twenties and thirties, when one Charles lucky Luciano, he established what became the modern american mafia as he came out on top of the super violent Castellamorisi war. [00:10:45] Speaker C: Ha. Say it again. [00:10:46] Speaker B: Castellamorisi. [00:10:48] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:10:49] Speaker B: Listen. Sounds fun, doesn't it? Trust me, it fucking wasn't. [00:10:52] Speaker A: Oh, it was okay. [00:10:54] Speaker D: Thanks for clarifying. [00:10:57] Speaker B: I'm more fun than that. Fucking war was. It was fucking horrible. But what he did was he headed up the five families, and through those five families, all criminality in New York had to run through them. Okay? They were changes as people moved on, or ended up getting whacked by moved on. I mean, getting two in the back of the head. [00:11:16] Speaker C: Yeah, that's not just, like, went on to work at the apples. [00:11:22] Speaker B: HR wasn't something that they. It wasn't kind of. You get an exit interview. Your exit interview was made of lead exiting life. Yes, mate. Yes, mate. [00:11:31] Speaker C: This is bringing something poetic out in you, I think. [00:11:33] Speaker B: Oh, shit. News update. Gun found at Brooklyn High School. [00:11:37] Speaker C: You know, it's a Friday, or Friday. [00:11:38] Speaker B: As you call it, but just super quickly. The five families, you had, the Luciano family, you had the Mangano family, the Gaggiano family, the Profacci family, and the Bonanno family. Yeah, yeah. Bonanno, Bonanno. Even though the influence has faded in, you know, the 2020s, now, gangs are russian, albanian, Mexican. All of that competition for influence and control, those five family system of crime rule is still in place to this day. Even though their power has been diluted over the generations. Even right now, that structure of organized crime is still in place. [00:12:16] Speaker C: I bet Gen Z could beat them. [00:12:18] Speaker B: Oh, what, you're not gonna TikTok your way out of a fucking gangland shooting? [00:12:22] Speaker C: I think you. [00:12:22] Speaker D: I think you might. [00:12:23] Speaker A: Yeah. Couple of good tiktoks. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. [00:12:27] Speaker B: Five things I can do to take. To take charge of organize crime. [00:12:33] Speaker D: You're also doing a dance. [00:12:35] Speaker A: Yeah, for sure. The dance would help. [00:12:39] Speaker B: I got the hooch. So, listen, um, that's the history. Okay. That's a little, kind of potted history of. [00:12:45] Speaker C: It was a great history. [00:12:46] Speaker B: Yeah. Thank you. No, um, I put the work in. So let's talk about the cool stuff, right? Let's talk about mob slaying in New York. Motherfucking suitor. And I don't know what Corrie has in store for the tour tomorrow, but law of averages states we're going to walk past the gangland slaying. [00:13:02] Speaker A: Oh, for sure. Yeah. [00:13:04] Speaker C: You know, I'm gonna do one if we don't guarantee. [00:13:09] Speaker B: Do you favor gangland or execution style? [00:13:11] Speaker C: Oh, man. I didn't know there's gonna be a quiz. Why don't you enlighten me on the difference before we make any rash decisions? [00:13:19] Speaker B: I can't say for sure, but my understanding is gangland style is on your knees, kind of where your hands tie. Whereas execution style. Or is it the other way around? So execution style is. [00:13:31] Speaker C: Anna knows. [00:13:32] Speaker B: Clint. Worryingly. [00:13:36] Speaker C: Interesting that the people who live here know just, you know, fascinating. What are your last names again? Anyways. [00:13:45] Speaker B: So, firstly, let's talk about. Let's talk about one. Joe Mysiria. Joe Mysterio. Aka. [00:13:50] Speaker C: I think I like one, by the way. [00:13:52] Speaker B: Which one? [00:13:53] Speaker C: Whatever the knee one is. I feel good about that. [00:13:55] Speaker B: Oh, that's the neat. That's that's more kind of irish. [00:13:57] Speaker C: Hey. [00:13:58] Speaker A: Okay. That makes sense. [00:14:00] Speaker B: Yeah, that's an Irish. A good old fashioned. [00:14:01] Speaker C: Where did he come from? [00:14:02] Speaker B: Irish kneecapping. Um. Joe Mycerio. April 15, 1931. In a Coney island restaurant. Now, the guy. [00:14:12] Speaker C: Is that Joe Mysterio? [00:14:14] Speaker B: No, no, that's Spider Man's nemesis. [00:14:19] Speaker A: Joe Mysterio. Yeah, yeah. Watch out, Spider Man. Joe Mysterio's behind you. [00:14:24] Speaker B: Hey, Spider man, you fuck. [00:14:26] Speaker A: We run pictures of Luxor. [00:14:27] Speaker B: Ran Mysterio the fuck up. Peter Parker. I'ma fucking shoot your ass. [00:14:33] Speaker C: What did you say? [00:14:35] Speaker B: I have an excellent irish bobster accent. [00:14:37] Speaker C: Oh, do you? You decided, hey, let's hear it. [00:14:40] Speaker B: I got fucking fucked up. Your uncle Ben, your fucking piece of fuck. [00:14:44] Speaker A: That's good. That is good. I like that. [00:14:46] Speaker B: Uncle Ben's a fucking goomba. Who knew? Discovering a lot of shit. [00:14:54] Speaker A: Honestly, you should be welcoming us to America. Nailed it. [00:15:01] Speaker B: Fuck am I talking about? [00:15:02] Speaker C: Listen, I'm Joe Mysterio. [00:15:05] Speaker B: Joe Mysterio. Are you disrespecting his memory? Let me tell you something about the death of Joe Mysterio. Right? [00:15:14] Speaker C: He is widely known, right? [00:15:16] Speaker B: It is now. [00:15:18] Speaker D: You'll have to look it up later. [00:15:20] Speaker C: To find out the real details. We're not factual checking here. [00:15:23] Speaker B: He was assassinated by Charles Lucky Luciano, who we spoke about earlier. The guy who pulled the strings, organized the five families. He was dining in a restaurant, someone. [00:15:33] Speaker C: Who keeps on being like, oh, yeah, every time. [00:15:36] Speaker B: Fucking knows this. [00:15:37] Speaker A: That's Joe Mysterio the Third. He showed up. [00:15:41] Speaker B: Hey, don't you disrespect my fucking uncle. [00:15:43] Speaker A: And fucking keep your shit together. [00:15:45] Speaker C: You were gonna break this table, sir. Let's. [00:15:48] Speaker B: Through the table. [00:15:49] Speaker C: Dynamic stereo through the table. [00:15:51] Speaker B: But in classic mobster style. Took himself for a piss and was followed in. [00:15:56] Speaker C: Specifically, mobsters. Pissed, too. [00:15:59] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, classic mobster style. He was followed into the restroom by several armed gunmen who shot his ass while he was fucking holding his. [00:16:10] Speaker C: What if the gunmen weren't armed? They just, like, stubs? [00:16:13] Speaker A: Were they that worried about him? Like, if he doesn't have his dick in his hand, don't you dare shoot. [00:16:18] Speaker B: Here's the thing. That's another thing. The Sicilians bought Washington piss. Assassinations. Right. [00:16:27] Speaker A: Okay, okay. Yeah, I get it. [00:16:30] Speaker C: I don't. I don't want to die on the john. I don't die in the shower. I don't want, like, my bits. [00:16:34] Speaker B: Yep. [00:16:35] Speaker C: Out and about. When I. When I'm murdered. [00:16:37] Speaker D: You've already killed me. And now I'm even more humiliated. [00:16:40] Speaker B: Yeah, that's. That's the other code. Apart from the code of silence, it's the code of killing. Also, when you're having a piss. That's the other thing. This is a. Wow. So let's also talk about Albert Anastasia. What a name. A notorious mob boss. He was the co founder of something called Murder, Inc. [00:16:55] Speaker C: Which was Murder, Inc. That sounds like a. Like a canceled Fox television show. [00:17:04] Speaker A: Did they put paperwork together to become incorporated or did they just claim that. [00:17:10] Speaker C: They took out a LLC? [00:17:12] Speaker A: Okay, good. [00:17:13] Speaker B: They paid their taxes. [00:17:14] Speaker A: Good. [00:17:14] Speaker B: Murder, Inc. Advance. But the. The assassination squad of the five families was known as Murder, Inc. And Albert Anastasia, he was the co founder of Murder, Inc. He met his end October 25, 1957, in a barber shop. [00:17:31] Speaker C: That's respectable. [00:17:31] Speaker D: Second most vulnerable, because who knows what the fuck they're doing to your hands. [00:17:35] Speaker C: Razors near you. [00:17:37] Speaker B: Third rule of sicilian murder, keep quiet. I wait till they're having a piss or having a haircut. [00:17:43] Speaker A: Okay. Okay. [00:17:45] Speaker B: Core principles of the sicilian mob. [00:17:47] Speaker C: How do they. Do they still shoot you? Or do they, like, do something more interesting? Do they, like. Sweetie taught it. [00:17:51] Speaker B: They wait until the guy holds the mirror up in the back of your head and asks if you're happy about it. [00:17:56] Speaker A: Right. [00:17:57] Speaker D: When you just yourself in the eyes as you die. [00:18:00] Speaker B: That's right. So you're vulnerable and you're thinking, yeah. [00:18:03] Speaker A: It looks really good, too. They do it so good. Yeah. [00:18:10] Speaker B: Yes. On many levels. [00:18:12] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:18:12] Speaker B: Um. All pure mafia shit. This, and like I said, took place in a barber shop at the Sheraton Hotel in man, Manhattan. [00:18:23] Speaker A: You got it? [00:18:24] Speaker B: Yep. As he sat in the barbers chair, two gunmen entered an open fire, killing him instantly. Yeah. [00:18:30] Speaker C: Not a lot of, like, drama to that, cuz. Like, you know, there's. What? Well, here's the thing. Like, there's. There's this other guy drama. [00:18:37] Speaker B: Do you want. [00:18:37] Speaker C: Okay. [00:18:38] Speaker D: They had mean texts beforehand. [00:18:41] Speaker A: We'Re coming to get yous. You gotta get shot by a God later. [00:18:47] Speaker C: Haircut looks stupid. There's, like, a guy who, like, worked for the mob named Richard Ku. Klinsky. [00:18:54] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, no, he was. [00:18:55] Speaker C: Created the ice man. And he would do, like, some, like, he put people, like, in a cave. [00:19:01] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:19:01] Speaker C: And cover them in, like, honey and shit and then, like, let rats. [00:19:04] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. And he filmed that as well, but. Yeah, yeah, he got videotape of that. Yeah. You could show that he did it. Yeah. [00:19:14] Speaker B: My minutes of research, I didn't come across that. [00:19:17] Speaker A: Well, that was. That was more recent. More recent. [00:19:22] Speaker C: And it wasn't in Manhattan. I don't think. There's not a lot of caves. [00:19:24] Speaker A: No. [00:19:24] Speaker B: Okay. [00:19:25] Speaker C: Famously. [00:19:26] Speaker B: You could have told me. Manhattan is underscored by a network of. [00:19:30] Speaker C: Caves all the way down there. [00:19:32] Speaker A: These like trains that go through them. [00:19:34] Speaker B: My Welsh has to be the cage. [00:19:38] Speaker D: What is a tunnel if not a long cave? [00:19:40] Speaker A: That's right. [00:19:40] Speaker C: That's a good point. [00:19:42] Speaker B: Those are the questions you only get hearing Corey's backyard. So listen, let's talk also about Dutch. Dutch Schultz. This guy was a prominent bootlegger. [00:19:52] Speaker C: Promised Schultz. [00:19:53] Speaker B: Dutch Schultz. [00:19:55] Speaker C: Are you gonna tell me what was background he comes from? Is it Dutch? [00:19:59] Speaker B: Well, what I can tell you, that he was killed right here in Newark. Oh, yeah, yeah. Norc, did I do that right? [00:20:06] Speaker C: No, of course not. [00:20:09] Speaker A: Close. [00:20:09] Speaker B: It was close, nor. Yeah, there you go. So Dutch Schultz killed in Newark and his ordered directly from the Mafia commission. Schultz, you're gonna say there's no drama to this? [00:20:23] Speaker C: Did you say Mafia commission? You're just barreling past things. [00:20:26] Speaker A: That is interesting. [00:20:27] Speaker C: Yeah, like we all know this. [00:20:29] Speaker B: What did I tell you? The Sicilians brought order, they brought structure. You couldn't just decide to off someone. It had to go through the fucking wise up the ranks. [00:20:41] Speaker A: Were there elections? Like neighborhood elections? [00:20:43] Speaker C: Exactly. [00:20:44] Speaker B: We're definitely meetings. [00:20:45] Speaker A: Vote for me, I'll murder you. [00:20:47] Speaker C: Is there a mafia PTA? Just curious. [00:20:51] Speaker B: A bus. Dutch has been saying some real shady tings here. He wants to rat you out. Fucking get him. [00:21:07] Speaker D: That's what happened. [00:21:08] Speaker B: I hear he's. He's gonna be at the barber shop taking a piss. [00:21:18] Speaker A: Catch him right at the end of the haircut and the piss simultaneously. [00:21:22] Speaker B: He's gonna be concerned about how his hair looks and. Yep, he was eating at a restaurant. Gum and shot. Listen, let me talk to you more about Giuseppe Ao, okay. Weirdly known as Joe the boss. [00:21:39] Speaker C: Well, Joe, Giuseppe is Giuseppe. [00:21:43] Speaker B: Well, listen, this guy was a rival. This guy was actually all in with Al Capone. He was a rival of Big Al. Al Capone, killed on October 23, 1930. Ambushed, notably gone down in history as the first murder ever to be committed with a Tommy gun. [00:22:00] Speaker A: Wow. [00:22:01] Speaker C: You know, I wish you were here to know that that happened. He has a place in the textbooks. [00:22:07] Speaker B: I like to think he's looking down right now. [00:22:09] Speaker A: Like, this is where. [00:22:10] Speaker D: This is here right now. [00:22:12] Speaker B: This jump is getting the details all wrong. [00:22:15] Speaker A: Think of how cool it'll look in the movies. [00:22:19] Speaker B: Ambushed by gunmen with submachine guns. They pulled up next to him in a fucking car and unloaded on his ass. [00:22:25] Speaker C: Nice. Well, it wasn't at the time, I suppose, but. [00:22:32] Speaker B: I like to think it's. [00:22:35] Speaker A: Rules, I like to think, also some mobsters were like, kids these days kill different. It ain't like the old days when you catch a guy pissing. [00:22:45] Speaker B: I think our kids could overthrow the mafia, no problem. Last one I'm gonna mention is a guy called Gaetana Raina, weirdly known as Tommy, a Mafia boss. February 26, 1930. Check this out. They fucking ganked his ass while he was leaving his mistress's apartment. [00:23:03] Speaker D: Third most vulnerable. [00:23:06] Speaker B: Fourth pillar of mafia, right? [00:23:08] Speaker D: Yikes. [00:23:08] Speaker A: We've all been leaving our mistress. [00:23:10] Speaker B: Don't say shit. [00:23:11] Speaker A: And we're like, oh, I hope I don't get a. [00:23:13] Speaker B: Wait until the bladder's empty. Wait until they're well shaved. Wait until they've fucking, you know, you. [00:23:18] Speaker D: Know, done their thing. [00:23:19] Speaker B: You know what I'm saying? We're a family podcast. The fuck we are. If your family is, you know, the Adams family, he was leaving his mistress apartment in the Bronx when he was ambushed. Shot in the head. Shot in the head with a fucking shotgun, man. [00:23:34] Speaker C: Oh, that must have been messy. Yeah. Who cleans that up? Do they have, like, a. [00:23:39] Speaker D: They have the mafia custodial clean. [00:23:43] Speaker B: Pillar of the mob. Don't say shit. Wait till they've had a piss. Wait, they've had a haircut. Wait till they've just had sex and do tidy up after. [00:23:51] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:23:55] Speaker B: So, look, if you haven't got the gist, what I'm saying here is if you think of the murder montages you see in movies like Goodfellas, like Casino, that's how it went down. Coordinated and clinical murder to order. You know, murderers murdering murderers before the murderers could murder the murderers. [00:24:11] Speaker C: Well, you got it. [00:24:12] Speaker B: Super. That was the 6th rule of the Italians. [00:24:16] Speaker C: Please don't do it. I understand. [00:24:19] Speaker B: I could, though. Look, we've gained a lot in the information age. We've gained constant communication, health and safety, political correctness, ubiquitous surveillance. But have we lost our sense of flair in our murder? Have we lost that sense theatricality? Je ne sais quoi, genevieve. [00:24:36] Speaker D: So beige. [00:24:37] Speaker C: Did you say genevieve? [00:24:43] Speaker B: I think if you TikTok kids are gonna get any kind of hole on the mob, they're gonna need to learn to kill with style. And if the mob had one thing, they certainly had style. Listen, thanks for coming. That was my introduction. If I can just consult my notes. Look at those fucking nerds. I've literally only listened to Athena. [00:25:22] Speaker C: I was going to say, you've never heard that before? So this is. [00:25:24] Speaker A: It's more like. [00:25:31] Speaker C: Hey, Hellranker. Yeah, it's pretty rad. Who is it. Who's the band that does any blush? [00:25:44] Speaker D: They're from Bulgaria, much like Mark Fiver. Except for you can't anymore. [00:25:49] Speaker A: We saved their. They saved their village and they just like, packed up the bags, decided we're not gonna make any more songs. [00:25:55] Speaker B: So how did you link up with a bulgarian phantom again? [00:25:59] Speaker A: Fiver? [00:26:00] Speaker B: No. [00:26:00] Speaker A: Yeah, well, that's how Mark was not. [00:26:02] Speaker C: Listening to the sentence right before that. [00:26:06] Speaker D: I just did such a good job. [00:26:08] Speaker B: I was. I was in Bulgaria on holiday a couple of weeks back. Was cheap. [00:26:11] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:11] Speaker B: And we kind of hid some kind of local bulgarian music and it was fucking mad. Like, like accordion. Somebody bang on a dinner tray. Ah. [00:26:24] Speaker C: Like people spitting into a jaws for. [00:26:26] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:26:27] Speaker B: Um. Didn't sound as awesome as that at all. [00:26:33] Speaker A: Well, there is a little spitting into a bucket. It's just like real low in the mix. [00:26:37] Speaker D: Secret ingredient. [00:26:38] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:26:39] Speaker D: You'd notice if it wasn't there. [00:26:42] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, it's. Yeah. It's wonderful to be here in my backyard with some of my besties here, my podcast besties. It is surreal to have you all gathered here for this occasion. Obviously, it's like one of those things where I'm like, do we introduce ourselves? But you won't know, you know, who. [00:27:01] Speaker D: We are, I hope. [00:27:04] Speaker C: But, yeah, obviously we've just Joe ag'd at you and I hope that you enjoyed that. And now you're gonna hellrank all over your face. [00:27:11] Speaker A: That's right. [00:27:13] Speaker B: Just let's say someone has listened to this for the very first time and has never listened to hell Ranko's. Do me a favor and just kind of introduce sum up the podcast. What is it all about? [00:27:21] Speaker C: What do you do in case someone. [00:27:23] Speaker B: Here who's never here maybe listen to a podcast? [00:27:28] Speaker D: I don't know anyone like that. [00:27:30] Speaker A: We watch entire franchises and we rank them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:27:33] Speaker D: So honestly, hell, rankers exists because of Joag. [00:27:36] Speaker C: Well, yeah, that is true, because I apologize to you guys for that. [00:27:41] Speaker D: When you guys did Leprechaun in the hood for a watch along, and I had never seen any leprechaun movies, so I had to watch one up to that point. And then I'd already listened that far, so why not keep going and listen? [00:27:55] Speaker C: If you think of something I wouldn't. [00:27:56] Speaker A: Have seen, you know the genius that is movies that follow leprechaun in the hood? [00:28:02] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:28:02] Speaker C: I've actually never seen any of the further ones. [00:28:05] Speaker A: There's some great stuff in there. [00:28:07] Speaker C: Yeah. Yes. How many are there? [00:28:09] Speaker D: Stephen Kostanski. One is really. [00:28:10] Speaker C: Oh, great. [00:28:13] Speaker B: But no, Anna, your name literally became a description watching a painfully long franchise. Oh, fuck. I'm gonna animat in this whole thing. I know. I'm gonna do it. [00:28:24] Speaker D: So weird. I tell my parents, like, yeah, someone like, in England is, like, using my name to describe watching movies. And they're like, what? [00:28:35] Speaker C: Trust me. It makes sense. It makes sense. [00:28:36] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. [00:28:38] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:28:38] Speaker D: So, yeah, we watch franchises and rank them. [00:28:41] Speaker A: Yeah. We only started as a mainfeed kind recently, but if, you know, a lot of people were Patreon members, you've heard our entire backlog where we talked about some amazing series like Hellraiser, which is where the name came from. And of course, Fast and the Furious, which I think was probably the most, like, most fun that we had. Oh, teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was a blast. [00:29:02] Speaker D: I like doing Batman. Batman was really fun, too. [00:29:05] Speaker A: Yeah. It only becomes hell sometimes. And then sometimes it's all hell. Sometimes you. [00:29:11] Speaker D: You get, like, five movies into the howling and you're like, oh, has there. [00:29:16] Speaker B: Ever been a franchise that you've almost tapped out on? What's the closest you've come to go? And I can. [00:29:20] Speaker C: That's a good question. [00:29:21] Speaker A: No, not really. No. I mean, hellraiser was hard. It was real, real hard. But that was also early on. And after you get through that, you're like, I can do whatever. [00:29:30] Speaker D: Honestly. Home alone. [00:29:32] Speaker B: Home alone. [00:29:34] Speaker D: There's not that many of them, but the ones that are bad are so bad that it makes you want to not be there. [00:29:45] Speaker C: Yeah. Not good starts making you question your existence after a while. Do I want to be here? [00:29:50] Speaker D: Do I even want to celebrate Christmas anymore? [00:29:54] Speaker A: Do I like children? I'm not sure I do. [00:29:58] Speaker D: Maybe they deserved this. I don't know. [00:30:01] Speaker A: Maybe they left them alone because he ate them. [00:30:06] Speaker D: Yeah. I was just about to, like, say, no. The first one's like. And then, like, the fifth one is like, no, I'm. We're gonna eventually do it again. [00:30:12] Speaker A: Yeah, we'll do it again. Yeah, we did it back in the day, but now we're doing jaws. Jaws, yeah. Yeah. And I'm excited to do this. We don't normally do something under five movies, but with guests and with this format, it seemed perfect. And I know that Jaws is one of Corrigan's absolute favorite movies. [00:30:30] Speaker C: It is. Yeah. I like Jaws a little bit. Yeah, I'm into it. [00:30:34] Speaker A: But there are sequels to Jaws. Boy, they're a little different. So we're gonna start at our lowest ranked movie, and we happened to rank them the same. We all did it separately. We came back together. We had the same exact ranking. And this does not always happen with Anna and I. So our worst, without a doubt. Not even tough. Like, where are we? What are we even talking about when we talk about these? Second Jaws? [00:31:05] Speaker C: Yeah, the second Jaws is. I liked Jaws too, when I was a kid, and I don't know why. Because it's the most boring thing I've ever seen in my life. [00:31:15] Speaker B: Something Corrie and I do often is we'll watch movies together and, you know, I'll start, I'll hit play at half nine, she'll hit play at half three. And we'll just chat shit about the movies on signal while we're watching them. We watched yours, like, three weeks ago, and I'm still fucking bored. [00:31:27] Speaker A: Yeah, it is boring. That's one of the biggest crimes we've found in franchises, is the sequel. Just can't be boring. It can be insane, but not boring. [00:31:38] Speaker D: It's competent. It's shot pretty well. There's some interesting cinematography. The performances are all really good, but they don't really give us a reason to care about it that much. [00:31:48] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, our main reason to care is Brody. [00:31:51] Speaker C: Right? Like, you know that from Jaws. Hey, now, let's not have Brody slander in the chat, okay? [00:31:57] Speaker A: Yeah, Brody's fine, but he's of the three. Let's hell rank the three members of the orca crew. I'm gonna put Brody Len. [00:32:05] Speaker C: Right. Like, he's not there to be the most interesting. [00:32:07] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:32:08] Speaker C: And he was. He was basically shanghaied into making. Yeah, yeah. And I don't know, Steve, do you. You normally have a lot of background on this. [00:32:16] Speaker A: I know that. Yeah. There's a. Some contract issues and stuff, and he basically just had to be involved. And he clearly is putting in that level of effort. [00:32:26] Speaker C: Yeah, it is very much. I have to be here. I mean, it is Roy Schneider, so, like, he's great. He's great. But, you know, like, he would rather be doing anything else. As would I, while watching that movie. [00:32:37] Speaker B: I don't know if. When was the last time you also Jaws? You also jaws recently. [00:32:41] Speaker A: Okay, good. [00:32:42] Speaker B: Next time you watch Jaws. He's a kind of a shark looking guy. He's got, like, a shark. He's got these smooth kind of features. He's got these kind of calculating killers eyes. And I don't know if that went into his casting or what, but he's beautifully cast in Jaws because the fucker looks like a shark in man form. They're beautiful adversaries, the two of them. [00:33:00] Speaker C: Never really thought about that. Yeah, it's a little paranoid. [00:33:02] Speaker D: Maybe that's, like, the source of their rivalry here. [00:33:05] Speaker A: Oh, well, we'll talk more about their rivalry when we get to core. We have some theories. We'll get there. But Lorraine Gary is back, and I think it's interesting then the first one, like, in the book, Lorraine Gary and what's his name? [00:33:22] Speaker C: Matt Hooper. [00:33:22] Speaker A: Matt Hooper have an affair. [00:33:24] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:33:25] Speaker A: Right. Like, there's something very interesting about that that, like, they don't. I feel like they could have, like, slipped it in here, maybe. [00:33:41] Speaker D: Writing a better movie. [00:33:43] Speaker C: There is, like, a moment of chemistry in the first one that I feel is, like, a little, like they're alluding to it when Hooper comes over and. [00:33:51] Speaker A: They'Re drinking wine and they're drinking. [00:33:52] Speaker C: Yeah, but be down is what I'm saying. [00:33:57] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:33:58] Speaker D: Is the shark one of the three way? [00:33:59] Speaker A: Well, oh, yeah. That's what I'm thinking. See, a part two primary problem is it's more. [00:34:08] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:34:09] Speaker D: And it's kind of just like, whoa, we. You already did this, like, the best it can be done. Why are you gonna do it? Why are you gonna try to do it again? Yeah, we don't. It's not scary this time because we already saw this. [00:34:22] Speaker A: We already saw the scares, all the. The shark coming out of nowhere, all that stuff. And so what. Yeah. What are we getting out of this other than just more of the same? [00:34:32] Speaker C: The teenagers are a problem in this movie, which is, you know, probably an evergreende statement. But the teenagers in this movie are like, they're so annoying. And I think that's, like, a huge issue with this, too, is like, I do not care about these children who keep throwing themselves into shark mouths. [00:34:50] Speaker A: They really do. They really do. Which is an issue with some other sequels that we liked, but everybody seems to be throwing themselves into shark mouth. [00:34:58] Speaker C: You can at least be funny or stupid when you throw yourself into the shark mouth, you know, like, yeah. [00:35:03] Speaker D: And it's divided, like, pretty evenly between the teen storyline and the other storyline. So it feels like you're kind of not really getting enough of either one to be worth it. Like, it's pulling you in totally different directions all the time. So it's. Yeah. And then it's like, oh, normally when there's, like, different storylines, I can look forward to, like, the next one that I actually like, but with these people, I don't really care about any of them. [00:35:26] Speaker B: So I'm not the massive jaws head that you are, but you can move this. I know. [00:35:32] Speaker C: Okay. [00:35:32] Speaker B: But it. It feels to me as though a big part of this is worse. What makes jaws as enduring as it is is that chemistry between the three shark. [00:35:44] Speaker C: Oh, 100%. [00:35:45] Speaker B: If you take Quint and you take Oprah out of the. Out of the picture, you've just got leather, shark faced Roy Scheider. [00:35:52] Speaker C: Why is there so much hate for Roy Scheider here? [00:35:55] Speaker B: Look, not. I'm not hating, but as. As great a hero as he is, as great a protagonist as he is without Quentin hobby. Three of them on the orca really is magic. And that never. They don't even try to duplicate that. [00:36:10] Speaker C: No, they try to duplicate other things in this movie, and they do this throughout the other ones. But I think it's most egregious in this, where they just sort of try to, like, reenact scenes, but slightly different. So in the first jaws, obviously, you have that scene that's very chaotic scene where everything is unfolding, and they need to. They need to put up signs to go out on the beach, and the woman is coming in, and she's like, the kids are karate ing the fence, and, like, all this stuff is going on at once. And they basically do that scene again in jaws two, but just less entertaining. Less. Well, less good. [00:36:46] Speaker A: More batter. [00:36:47] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:36:48] Speaker A: Yeah. So two does have one very redeeming quality, and that is that they get a shark to bite an electrical line. [00:36:55] Speaker D: It may be my favorite, like, defeat of jaws. [00:36:59] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:37:01] Speaker D: Because it's so batshit. [00:37:02] Speaker A: It's crazy. Yeah. It's out of nowhere. [00:37:05] Speaker C: It's not nowhere, though, because they do set it up. You're right in one line sets it up at the beginning of the movie. [00:37:11] Speaker D: Which both check on a texture. [00:37:13] Speaker C: Both Mark and I texted each other something about foreshadowing, like, the first scene of the movie, where he's like, it's electrical cable that's under the sea, and you're like, I'm sure that won't come back. [00:37:24] Speaker B: Hope no fish bite this cable. [00:37:29] Speaker A: Or. [00:37:29] Speaker D: Would be a shame. [00:37:30] Speaker A: So, yeah, that's a highlight of part two. Any other big highlights of part two we're talking about? [00:37:36] Speaker B: Ah, always good to see a banana. But, yeah, it was great to see, um, this a super atmospheric scene where Brody is making his own ammo. [00:37:46] Speaker A: Oh. [00:37:48] Speaker B: When you get insight into just fucking. [00:37:50] Speaker A: Much this, and then the other cop sees him, and he, like, hides it. Like, the fact that I'm reloading ammo doesn't. It's not like hide. Feels like there's something wrong about it. Yes. [00:38:04] Speaker B: Dripping candle wax onto bullets. [00:38:06] Speaker A: What is he actually poison under the. Yeah, he puts poison on the like, hollow tip bullet and it puts the wax to hold the poison. Thinking, I'm gonna shoot that fucking shark. [00:38:17] Speaker C: And the wax poison. It's very complicated. Mister Brody I could come up with. [00:38:24] Speaker B: Was he's making mega bullets. [00:38:25] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:38:26] Speaker A: Mega bullets. [00:38:27] Speaker D: I wish that would have come back because I did love that part. I was like, where are we going with this? And not work? Yeah. And it was like. So you just wait. Wasted all of our time. [00:38:35] Speaker A: Yeah, just a waste of time. [00:38:38] Speaker C: Very cool. It's like you just imagine that halfway through production someone on set was like, you know, actually that wouldn't work. And they were like. [00:38:48] Speaker A: It was a real good scene. [00:38:50] Speaker C: We're just gonna. We're just gonna have him hit a cable with some oars and that'll be that how he does. [00:38:56] Speaker A: Yeah. So that, that's three or that's what two. [00:38:59] Speaker C: Two is number two is number three. Yes. [00:39:04] Speaker A: And number three dimensional, you guys. [00:39:09] Speaker C: Yeah. Watch out, Dennis Wade is here. [00:39:11] Speaker B: Yep. [00:39:12] Speaker A: It very much out. Yeah. It very much looks like a shark is going to come through your screen, but that the shark, once it gets through your screen is just gonna fall on the ground and be a stationary object because it's not moving at all. [00:39:24] Speaker C: It's not at all. I love that kind of 3d, though. There's something very endearing about that. Just like they had the technology to make it come at you, but that's as far as they could go. They could not blend it with, like, its limbs move. [00:39:37] Speaker B: I really enjoy kind of. What is it called? Anaglyph 3D. What is it called? That kind of know. [00:39:43] Speaker C: I don't know. I could say that and I'm willing to buy it back a couple of. [00:39:48] Speaker B: Years and I would have been able to remember that, but I can't. But I enjoy watching movies that were made for that old kind of analog 3d but are now presented in two d. I love the fucking cheap ass tricks that they use. Friday the 13th three is a great one where they're just waving, right? Knowing their audience is yours. Three is full of that shit. [00:40:08] Speaker A: It is. [00:40:11] Speaker C: Just hovering at you for incredible lengths of time. [00:40:14] Speaker D: So much of it is gimmicky. [00:40:16] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, yeah. [00:40:17] Speaker D: It's also kind of ripping off the second, like, creature of the Black Lagoon movie. Just let's capture this and turn it into entertainment. [00:40:27] Speaker A: It's also a commercial for SeaWorld. [00:40:29] Speaker C: It is. Which is wild. It's such an interesting one because they genuinely shot this at SeaWorld, which is bananas because now they would not do that given the pr that it's had in the past. It's. Yeah, it's like one of those things that at the time was like, I'm sure a great advertisement for SeaWorld, but now feels like two on the nose. Like having a bunch of people murdered at the place where. [00:40:57] Speaker D: These are deeply dangerous. Please come here. See our stuff. [00:41:01] Speaker A: They did show off the water skiing that they used to do, apparently at. [00:41:05] Speaker B: Really conspicuously, like halfway through the film, they take like a water ski break. [00:41:08] Speaker A: Yeah. What if you saw people, like, standing on top of each other while water skiing? Wouldn't that be. [00:41:14] Speaker C: Wouldn't that be majestic? [00:41:15] Speaker A: The price of admission. [00:41:16] Speaker D: But then the shark is going to chase them because that's what sharks do. [00:41:20] Speaker A: We love chasing food. They are not opportunistic. They don't. [00:41:24] Speaker C: Look, listen, that is quite an opportunity. Those, I mean, people in a pyramid are very vulnerable. [00:41:29] Speaker D: Dinner and a show. [00:41:31] Speaker C: Hey. [00:41:35] Speaker B: Wait until the formation of water skin and you fucking whack. [00:41:38] Speaker A: Yeah, that is unknown element of the mafia. In the 26, there was a lot of water skiing competition that would go on. [00:41:46] Speaker D: And they employed sharks. [00:41:47] Speaker A: They employed sharks, yeah, of course. [00:41:48] Speaker C: See, that's the kind of drama I'm looking for. You know, like, oh, only haircut and fuck off. Sharks chasing water skiers. Mister Luciano. [00:42:01] Speaker B: Stop me if I'm wrong, but I think Jaws three marked a kind of a tangible decision by whoever was involved. Right, we got to change course here. Yeah, the kind of the slow build drama of a shark attack that ain't working anymore. Let's fucking go, ham. [00:42:17] Speaker C: Yeah, this one went through like a bajillion different people writing it. And like, it was supposed to be all these different kinds of movies. Some of which, like, I think I sent you like, a bit of the Wikipedia page. Like, there were some options for this that would have been like, genuinely cool. And then it was just like someone was like, no, someone at the studio got involved. Is like 3d, what if 3d commercial for Seaworld. [00:42:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:42:41] Speaker C: With also my favorite fun fact about this movie that I think colors a lot about it is what Dennis Quaid said about this film. Washington. Apparently he spent a lot of the eighties, like everybody else, doing the old cocaine, hitting that Yayo pretty hard. And he said that there is not a single scene in this movie where he is not high as he is on cocaine. [00:43:10] Speaker A: And that's the. That's the problem I feel like with the movie is it doesn't feel cocaine influenced enough to know he's on cocaine. [00:43:17] Speaker C: The whole time holding back. [00:43:19] Speaker A: What do you. Why didn't you make some cocaine decisions? [00:43:23] Speaker C: Right. Absolutely. It's. That's the problem, is it's like, it. Sometimes it's very crazy, but at others, it's just nothing happening. It's like, if you're interested in seeing what being a trainer at SeaWorld is like, this is your movie. [00:43:37] Speaker B: Like that training video on day one. [00:43:39] Speaker D: When it starts documentary. Yeah. [00:43:42] Speaker C: They got to get their money's worth out of this. Yeah. [00:43:46] Speaker D: So it's messy. Like, there's storylines that kind of just go uncommented on after a certain point, we never find out what happens to certain people. [00:43:55] Speaker C: Dennis Quaid probably wasn't the only person on cocaine involved in this. [00:43:58] Speaker A: Realistically, I'm gonna guess that this was just like, they saw this as a way to extract cocaine funds from a studio, and they were like, yeah, yeah, no, we're filming. [00:44:10] Speaker D: Mission accomplished. [00:44:11] Speaker C: This is the first of the movies that has zero people from the original as well. Like the. Like Dennis Quaid plays. [00:44:17] Speaker A: Yeah, he plays a character, but none of the actors. [00:44:20] Speaker B: How about continuity wise? So between jaws two and three. So Dennis Quaid is Chief Brody's son, right? [00:44:27] Speaker C: Yes. [00:44:28] Speaker B: Different shark. [00:44:29] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, different shark. But, I mean, part two had a different shark. So the first part, shark dies. Second part, shark dies. Third part, a shark dies. Then another shark gets revenge for that shark. And we'll talk about the fourth part in a second. [00:44:42] Speaker C: We're so excited to talk about the fourth. [00:44:44] Speaker B: I'm not a marine biologist, but sharks don't fucking do that. [00:44:47] Speaker A: Right? No, no, it's. [00:44:48] Speaker D: You mean they don't, like, pass down their, like, grievances. [00:44:53] Speaker B: Generational, familial. [00:44:58] Speaker A: Yeah, we do. [00:44:59] Speaker B: I mean, is. I mean, in the garden, do sharks bear grudges? [00:45:03] Speaker D: They don't forget. [00:45:04] Speaker A: Well, the thing about sharks that we know is that they're. They're fish. And their memories would be, those are the fish. Well, so probably not good at remembering who to kill, which is why it ended up at SeaWorld. It was like, I know, I gotta kill somebody. Anybody's getting it until I find them. [00:45:24] Speaker B: Yeah. Case closed. [00:45:26] Speaker C: Case closed. Detective, what's happening here? [00:45:29] Speaker D: It is so bizarre to think about the fact that they just decided that sharks in general are gonna target this one family. [00:45:39] Speaker C: Well, yeah. No matter where it becomes, like, a specific grudge against the Brody family. Yeah. [00:45:45] Speaker A: Well, let's talk about it. Next on our list is part four, jaws. [00:45:51] Speaker B: All of the cocaine sentiment from part. [00:45:53] Speaker A: Three went into here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:45:55] Speaker C: Shifted on over fucking out. [00:45:57] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:45:57] Speaker B: Um, I know we're all super familiar with jaws, right? But I. Before today, I'd seen jaws for, like, once in my life, right? And my only memory of it was Michael Caine's in. And it was kind of shit. But seeing it again today through adult eyes, it's. It's shit. But in such a fucking creative. And it's almost like everyone did their best to think, right. What. What don't sharks do? Because they're gonna do that. [00:46:21] Speaker C: What don't people do? [00:46:22] Speaker B: How don't people act? [00:46:25] Speaker D: How shouldn't families act with each other? [00:46:28] Speaker C: Jesus Christ. Yeah, there's a lot of bedroom eyes. [00:46:31] Speaker A: What type of eyes shouldn't an actor have if you wanted to interact with other people and not look like he wants to fuck them? Because that is what we deal with with our major character here, who is Martin Brody's oldest son. Right. [00:46:46] Speaker C: Formerly Dennis Quaid. Now. [00:46:47] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:46:48] Speaker D: Now someone who looks much younger. [00:46:49] Speaker A: Now. The actor who plays him literally just has slut eyes. And I don't know how to explain it. Just watch it. [00:46:55] Speaker C: If you look, you'll see it. [00:46:57] Speaker A: Every scene he's in with everybody, it's like, oh, are they gonna fuck? [00:47:01] Speaker B: Oh, that doesn't matter what he's looking at. Like a chair. A shark. [00:47:13] Speaker C: I would love, like, a mark. I would love a run at this, not to hijack the hell ranking. I would just love Mark run it. Explaining the plot. [00:47:21] Speaker A: I love it. [00:47:21] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:47:22] Speaker A: Oh, my God. [00:47:22] Speaker C: I think we all agree. [00:47:23] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:47:24] Speaker B: Right? You'll seen her read a dream. [00:47:27] Speaker D: Not where I thought that was gonna go. [00:47:29] Speaker C: Did not see that. [00:47:30] Speaker A: No. [00:47:31] Speaker B: Imagine it. But sharks, um. [00:47:34] Speaker A: Oh, oh. [00:47:39] Speaker B: So, uh, sharks talk to one another. We all know this in the law, in the world of jaws for. [00:47:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:47:44] Speaker B: And the sharks through their generations have whispered of this fucking family, the Brodies. They hate us. [00:47:50] Speaker A: They hate us. [00:47:51] Speaker B: They want to kill us. They victimize us. And that generational kind of trauma has been passed down. And the sharks are now specifically picking on Brody's family. And during the course of their last kind of three movies, Brody's wife has developed fucking shark sense. [00:48:07] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:48:07] Speaker B: Right. [00:48:08] Speaker C: She's got the shark shine. [00:48:11] Speaker B: But whenever there's, like, a shark, there's, like, impending shark peril. She'd be like, flashbacks. [00:48:17] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:48:17] Speaker D: Two scenes, she was never there. [00:48:19] Speaker A: Yeah. She sees things she couldn't have seen. [00:48:24] Speaker C: So hard to. Yeah. It's so hard to explain, like, every element of how bad shit this movie. But let's go into that as one. The movie Jaws exists in the jaws for. Explicitly. But it does. [00:48:37] Speaker A: It does because, yes, we. We hear Mario Van Peebles, whose character is, you know, how would he know. [00:48:50] Speaker C: Does he know? [00:48:51] Speaker A: Right. [00:48:51] Speaker B: Of all the fucking movies to reach through the fourth wall, right, right. Jaws. For acknowledges that Jaws exists in the Jaws universe. [00:49:02] Speaker D: Make a bio. [00:49:03] Speaker B: Metaphysical fucking motherfucker. [00:49:05] Speaker A: The fact is that Lorraine Gary sees things from jaws. [00:49:10] Speaker C: Yeah. Like she sees from the movie. [00:49:13] Speaker A: She's not seeing a memory. She wasn't there. So she's seeing a steals from jaws. [00:49:18] Speaker B: Incredible. [00:49:19] Speaker C: What so bizarre. Like it was. It started near that there was something that initially triggered this that was like, do they know? Do they know about jaws? Do they have memories? And then with the. The theme we were denial. Flabbergasted. Mark nearly screamed. [00:49:37] Speaker B: None of this is to mention Michael Caine, right? [00:49:39] Speaker A: Yeah. Michael Caine's in this movie. Flying a plane. [00:49:42] Speaker B: Flying the plane, weirdly. How do they know him? Fuck knows. We don't know. [00:49:46] Speaker D: Don't worry about it. [00:49:47] Speaker B: To get away from sharks, they move to the coast. [00:49:51] Speaker A: They move to a place that's all. [00:49:53] Speaker B: Coast and island in the Caribbean, and they meet. [00:49:55] Speaker C: Well, hey, listen, it's only an island if you're looking at it from the land, right? [00:50:04] Speaker B: Michael Kane is like a taxi driver, but with a plane. And his way of getting to know people when he meets them for the first time is, hey, do you want a cupboard? Fly by plaid, wherever the fuck he's talking to. Have a go with my plate. It's a child. [00:50:21] Speaker A: It's a child. It's Lorraine. Gary. It's. Anybody? [00:50:23] Speaker D: It's jaws. [00:50:24] Speaker A: The ocean. At one point he's like, maybe the ocean wants to fly my blood. It doesn't. It just sinks. It sinks it entirely. [00:50:32] Speaker B: And he wants to fuck Brody's ex wife. [00:50:34] Speaker A: He does want to fuck Brody. [00:50:35] Speaker C: She wants it too. In this case, it's not just the bed or mize. This is reciprocated, not by when they. [00:50:41] Speaker D: There was a kiss. At some point in this movie, I can't remember these characters, but we were all like, yeah, yeah. [00:50:48] Speaker A: No one was cheering for it. It felt dry. [00:50:51] Speaker C: It wasn't like it had a forest. [00:50:55] Speaker A: Too much. Yeah. So we did come up with a theory that kind of explained because they say that Brody has a heart attack and dies. I don't. I don't know. We saw Brody. That man can handle all sorts of things. We did come with the theory that maybe the shark and Lorraine Gary had an affair and Brody caught them. [00:51:20] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:51:20] Speaker A: And of course he went for his poison tip bullets. Where's my fucking gun? And he fired. It didn't work. The shark ate him. They just said it was a. This makes all the sense in the world. When you think about why revenge? Like, why did this shark want revenge? There's some depth to this. There's more to it. It's not just one shark died. [00:51:40] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:51:40] Speaker A: It's a shark got involved deeply with a woman he loved. [00:51:45] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:51:45] Speaker C: It's actually a rom.com. [00:51:46] Speaker A: It'S a rom.com. and he's. He's trying to get her back. He's trying to win her back. He's like, well, maybe if I lure her son to a buoy and bite his arm off and then kill him. [00:51:55] Speaker C: Oh, can we talk about that, though? Oh, God. [00:51:57] Speaker B: So here's shots with intelligence far beyond. [00:52:00] Speaker C: They can set traps. This is what we get. The other. So, you know, there's two Brody sons in the original movie. [00:52:11] Speaker D: Not for long. [00:52:12] Speaker C: Not for long. Because right at the start of this movie, the youngest. The youngest, the baby boy, gets ate by a shark. [00:52:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:52:22] Speaker C: But after it sets a trap like, it. It gets the floating dock stuck on a buoy. [00:52:28] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:52:29] Speaker C: So that the policeman son has to go out in his little boat and loose it while he's waiting and comes up and like, fucking Ss. Georgie's in. Takes his arm off, which they don't actually. [00:52:46] Speaker A: Oh, it's so crude. [00:52:54] Speaker C: So suddenly he is double in size. [00:52:58] Speaker D: This is the widest man continuity. We have never heard of her. [00:53:04] Speaker C: Exactly. And so he's screaming and all this stuff's happening and then it, you know, takes him down. [00:53:09] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:53:09] Speaker C: This is sort of the impetus for Lorraine Gary being like, we gotta get off this fucking island. And no one in my family is allowed to touch water ever again. And then they go to the Bahamas. [00:53:18] Speaker A: Where there's no waters. I know notorious. And of course, in the Bahamas, they get into some hygiene there. [00:53:26] Speaker C: Do you think the shark knew, like, he was when they were sleeping together? [00:53:32] Speaker A: One night she said to the shark, if I ever flew away, I'd go to the Bahamas. I find me a pilot in man who I pretty sure it's implied that he's running cocaine. Yeah, it's implied. [00:53:44] Speaker C: He said. What does he say? [00:53:45] Speaker B: He says, laundry. [00:53:47] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:53:49] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:53:49] Speaker D: I know what that means. [00:53:51] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:53:52] Speaker C: I had to ask. Have we mentioned his name is Hoagie? [00:53:56] Speaker A: His name is Hoagie. The name you would expect from a man with a british accent. Yeah. [00:54:01] Speaker C: I just don't think. Do you have hoagies? [00:54:02] Speaker B: No. [00:54:03] Speaker C: No. Yeah, I've seen your sandwich. [00:54:05] Speaker A: Do you know what a hoagie is? [00:54:06] Speaker B: I've had a hoagie. [00:54:07] Speaker A: Okay. Yeah. [00:54:08] Speaker B: But had I just watched yours foresight and seen it black. Oh. [00:54:11] Speaker C: What I mean, he's think that's a common american. [00:54:14] Speaker B: He just breezes into the movie like he's always been a character. He's like poochie with the explanation as to how they met. They're obviously like, great family for, oh, he's let the kid fly his plane. They obviously know one another really well, but. Oh, here's Hoagie. Hi, Hoagie. [00:54:27] Speaker C: I don't know. It was the eighties. People were pretty permissive. They just be like, here, have my kid. Yeah, it's yours now. [00:54:33] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:54:33] Speaker D: So I guess we're friends. [00:54:35] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:54:36] Speaker A: And I guess the oldest boy has moved on from his, you know, tragic career at SeaWorld. [00:54:42] Speaker B: Now he doesn't even get mentioned. [00:54:43] Speaker C: He's unremarked upon. [00:54:45] Speaker A: Right. Yeah. [00:54:46] Speaker C: I would have loved, like, a line about how different he looks or something like that. [00:54:49] Speaker A: Right? At the very least, fuck me eyes. What's your deal, boy? [00:54:55] Speaker C: Skinniest man alive as well. With the bowiest legs. [00:54:58] Speaker A: Oh, it's really funny. So he's tagging conch sales with Mario Van Peebles and a dude who unfortunately decided to drum in the background, I'm assuming once. And the director was like, keep it going. [00:55:13] Speaker C: Yeah, it really took me, cared about. Took me back to my christian college days when, like, do you guys remember, like, the cajones? It was like a box that, like, every christian guy drummed on, they were like, yeah, I am, like, fucking Ringo now. And that this guy was just in the background of the scene. Just, boom. [00:55:31] Speaker B: I implore you to watch 24 after this. Right. Relentlessly in the background. [00:55:38] Speaker C: Anna made the perfect point. I think what happened here was that the script supervisor was like, this guy was in the shot, and now we gotta commit to it. [00:55:46] Speaker D: It's like he didn't even know he was in the first shot. [00:55:48] Speaker A: He's looking over, like, an unfortunate decision. Cause he's smiling real big. Real big. So, like, he's gotta keep that up for every shot where he's like, please. [00:56:00] Speaker D: My fingers are bleeding. Please. [00:56:03] Speaker A: He kinda does look strange. [00:56:06] Speaker C: And it just becomes more and more, like, awkward and unhinged as the scene goes on. Cause now they're, like, squeezing past him out the door. And he's like, yeah, he's still like, big nizzle thing. Stop. He was cursed. My hands have been cursed by a wizard. [00:56:22] Speaker A: See, now there's something into it that might explain what's going on. [00:56:26] Speaker D: I just. There's no way this could take place if not for some type of supernatural elements. It doesn't make sense. [00:56:34] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:56:34] Speaker D: And so I. Yeah, that's why it's so high. [00:56:40] Speaker A: Yeah. You're watching it and you can't get bored. [00:56:42] Speaker B: Any of those elements just on their own. But shock sense. Shock. Generational trauma drumming guy in the background. Brody's son isn't Dennis Quaid anymore. Wants to fuck everyone. Shark's gonna lay traps. Michael Kane. [00:56:58] Speaker A: Sharks can come three quarters out of the water, stay stationary, and roar. [00:57:03] Speaker B: Shark spins the entire time. That far up the fucking water. [00:57:07] Speaker D: You can also see the shark scene. [00:57:09] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:57:11] Speaker A: We're saying all this because it's awesome. [00:57:13] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:57:14] Speaker B: If any of this sounds like we're dissing the phone, we're really not good. [00:57:17] Speaker C: Yeah. My head cannon is. There's just a guy in there that's actually part of the movie. There is some psychic man inside of that shark with a grudge who is channeling Lorraine. Gary. [00:57:29] Speaker D: Ghost shark. You know, the spirit of a shark went into it. [00:57:34] Speaker C: Where do we rank Ghost shark? [00:57:35] Speaker A: Yeah, Ghost shark is definitely number two. [00:57:37] Speaker C: Well, listen, Ghost shark gave me a nightmare and none of these did, so. [00:57:40] Speaker A: Okay. [00:57:41] Speaker C: It's got that going for me. [00:57:42] Speaker B: Wow. [00:57:42] Speaker A: Ghost shark. [00:57:44] Speaker B: I will watch jaws for three times on repeat again before I watch again. I'm never going back to those two. [00:57:51] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. [00:57:52] Speaker C: Great watch. Recommend it. Big recommendation. [00:57:54] Speaker A: Absolutely. I think it's pretty obvious where we're going, though, right? And probably obvious when you got here. What are you gonna say is number. [00:58:01] Speaker D: One would have been crazy. Just 3d. [00:58:04] Speaker C: Number one. [00:58:05] Speaker A: You guys don't get it. [00:58:07] Speaker C: It's your house. Show me the way to go home. I'm tired and I want to go to bed. [00:58:20] Speaker A: We're drinking Narragansett up. Yeah. And of course we'll crush the cans, but not right now. They're full. [00:58:26] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:58:28] Speaker A: I love this movie. This is a movie I grew up with. This is a movie that both inspired my love for sharks and my absolute fear of sharks. [00:58:39] Speaker B: I think it did that culturally, didn't it? [00:58:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:58:41] Speaker B: It has a lot to answer for. [00:58:42] Speaker D: With how mankind, unfortunately, around how people feel about sharks. [00:58:47] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:58:47] Speaker C: Which is interesting because I think a lot of the people who are involved with Jaws have, like, really tried to undo that damage over time and. But, like, the movies don't, like by Jaws bore you. They're psychic and they can kill you on vacation. [00:58:59] Speaker D: They have a personal vendetta against. [00:59:01] Speaker C: Each one wants to kill you personally. They didn't mean to do that. That's in the first one, but that's certainly where it went. But, yeah. I feel like this is at the root of a lot of my love and fear of the ocean, because we talk about that a lot on joag, like how I'm like, I love a body of water, but also, it's the scariest thing on planet. [00:59:21] Speaker A: Yeah, I want to look at it, not go in it. [00:59:22] Speaker C: Right, exactly. And it certainly starts here. [00:59:25] Speaker A: Yeah, 100%. This is also, you know, just a blockbuster. [00:59:31] Speaker B: The blockbuster. [00:59:31] Speaker C: The blockbuster, yeah. [00:59:34] Speaker A: First, this is Steven Spielberg really showing up. Finally, everybody's like, oh, hey, let's pay attention to this guy. And also. Yeah, just a stellar cast. Really killing it. It's hard to find flaws with jaws. [00:59:49] Speaker B: I feel like. [00:59:50] Speaker C: Exactly. [00:59:51] Speaker D: I mean, yeah, I love the dialogue and how dynamic the script and the blocking work together. And there's so much happening all the time, but it's never too busy. It feels like you're just, like, peeking through the window on these real people. [01:00:07] Speaker A: Yeah, it's kinetic. Spielberg keeps things moving. He keeps, like, natural movement in the background, natural conversations going on in the foreground and letting them just run loose while feeling contained. [01:00:19] Speaker C: Yeah. You see the, like by jaws for, you know, you've got the extras doing the sort of, like, very clear, like, watermelon cantaloupe thing in the background. They're not talking. They're like, yeah, they're getting quiet and all these kinds of things in this one. I mean, it is what Spielberg is known for. You see it in all of his movies where there's always this kind of overlap where you could listen to both conversations. Right. And their own internal kind of, you know, you. They exist outside the scene you're watching them in. [01:00:50] Speaker D: It's such a rich, like, life that you're getting to, like, be a part of for, you know, a couple hours. [01:00:56] Speaker A: Yeah. And even though, you know, a despicable character like the mayor, like, you do still understand his motivation, he was trying his best. Yeah. [01:01:03] Speaker B: The economy in mind. [01:01:04] Speaker C: I don't know if that's what we need to give him credit. [01:01:06] Speaker A: Right. [01:01:06] Speaker C: But he does. He does have, you know, a moment of humanity when, you know, he has that. Like, he has ratsuits for one. We'll give him that. But he also, you know, when his own kid is at risk in the one scene, you kind of get that, like, yeah, there is no one dimensional character. Everybody does, like you said, have, like, this internal life and everything. And so even the guy who is, like, the most transparently evil capitalist bastard in this, you know, you realize, oh, he's got a family at home. You know, he's not. He's not heinous. 24/7 he's playing the odds of, like. Well, yes. [01:01:43] Speaker A: Weird. Yeah. Weird thing that shouldn't happen. And. Yeah, he's thinking like, yeah, this is. [01:01:48] Speaker C: Not gonna happen again now by jaws, too. Yeah. [01:01:56] Speaker D: I also feel like you could pause any frame of this movie and be able to hang it on the wall. It's so many gore. Like, he has such a great eye, and there's so many, like, breathtaking shots. [01:02:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:02:11] Speaker D: I'm just like. It's just like. This is why I love movies. [01:02:14] Speaker C: Yeah. I think that's the overwhelming feeling when you watch Jaws. [01:02:17] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:02:17] Speaker C: This is a motion picture. [01:02:19] Speaker D: Yeah. [01:02:19] Speaker C: You know, this is what people lined up for. [01:02:22] Speaker B: It has what I consider to be one of the only cast iron scares in all of it. Doesn't matter how many fucking times. [01:02:30] Speaker C: We all know what it is. Right. [01:02:32] Speaker B: Always fucking jump at that moment. Doesn't matter. It's coming. I have a question for my hell Ranker friend. Is Jaws a horror movie? [01:02:40] Speaker A: I think so, yeah. I have argued this before. [01:02:43] Speaker D: Back on dead. What do you feel when you watch it? [01:02:45] Speaker C: Yes. [01:02:47] Speaker D: I mean, that is subjective, but I would say that a lot of people feel those feelings from watching it and. Yeah, I think a movie, like, how the movie makes you feel is kind. [01:02:59] Speaker A: Of what I feel like a movie that. That provides people with a lifelong fear. [01:03:06] Speaker C: Yeah. Right. [01:03:07] Speaker D: I mean, he's the Michael Myers of the Sea. [01:03:13] Speaker C: Yeah. You can't escape him. You know, he's slowly lumbering behind you, and bam, he's gonna show. [01:03:19] Speaker D: That's kind of what's scary, too. I mean, you know, as much as I love how crazy it gets with, like, this, you know, shark with. With a mission, it's scarier to know that it's not personal. [01:03:31] Speaker A: Right. [01:03:32] Speaker D: It's scarier to know that it could happen to anyone. [01:03:34] Speaker A: It's just found a feeding pool. This is where. [01:03:37] Speaker D: Cause if you're not the one who's being targeted, then who cares? We know that no one, really. [01:03:41] Speaker C: Yeah. The coyotes are the only people in danger by the end of the day. [01:03:44] Speaker D: After a certain point. But in the first one, it's like, anyone's at risk. That's terrifying. And that's an experience a lot of people have had. Like, not necessarily the shark, but, like, being in that setting. We've all been there, you know, where. [01:03:58] Speaker B: Was Spielberg at Korea wise at that point? [01:04:01] Speaker A: He. No, not done et. He had just done duel, which was a Mayfair tv movie, which is amazing. George. [01:04:08] Speaker B: She has a lot in common with duel, isn't it? [01:04:11] Speaker A: Yes. [01:04:11] Speaker B: The truck is a shark. [01:04:15] Speaker A: Yeah. That idea of, like, being pursued and duel is terrifying. [01:04:23] Speaker C: If you've never seen duel, that's another. [01:04:26] Speaker A: Yeah, it's really good. But I think, yeah, like, he's. He's right at the point in his career where people are talking about and they. They think he's gonna do things. And this is the thing he, dude, like, this really, like, set it off where it was like, oh, we can trust him. And then he got more, you know. [01:04:46] Speaker C: Given the way this movie unfolded, you know, to the point where, like, there's literally documentaries about it. Like, call, like, the shark is not working and things like that, because, like, he took way too long. He spent way too much money. Everyone was so pissed at him that the last day of shooting, he left. He just straight bolted because he was like, these people are going to fucking lynch me if I stay here. Yeah, he left before the last shot was shot and just was like, bye. And if this hadn't worked, if it hadn't come together the way it was, he would have been done. [01:05:17] Speaker A: So, yeah, that would have been it. [01:05:18] Speaker C: You know, that would have been the end of his career. [01:05:20] Speaker B: I love movies that are like a. [01:05:21] Speaker D: Massive make or break. [01:05:22] Speaker B: Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. But they just changed the landscape, changed the culture. [01:05:27] Speaker C: Right. Yeah. Instead it, like, it could have failed miserably, and instead it changed movies entirely, you know, and people have emulated Steven Spielberg forever, you know, still, there's so many screenings of this to this day that, like, I've watched it on a lake in Texas. I have watched it with weird Richard Dreyfus ramblings afterwards. I have, you know, watched it in all these different, you know, I've probably seen it in. On some sort of big screen at least half a dozen or more times. I have jaws tattoos, but just the ubiquity of, like, being able to still see it on a screen and yet. [01:06:02] Speaker D: Like, as influential as it has been, no shark movie has ever topped it or come close. So, like what? Like, it's amazing. So good. [01:06:15] Speaker A: It is. Like, I give shark movies so much of a chance. [01:06:20] Speaker C: I love a shark movie. I don't care. [01:06:23] Speaker A: Yeah. And it doesn't happen unless it's ghost shark. Well, go watch ghost shark. [01:06:28] Speaker C: I think I have a really high tolerance for shark movies, and maybe it's because of this, but, like, I love, like, you know, 37 meters down. [01:06:41] Speaker D: Movies. [01:06:42] Speaker A: Like the mega Jason Statham shows off his human capacity to walk across the Mariana trench without. I think that is worth talking about. [01:06:55] Speaker C: That's the fast and furious going to space. [01:06:59] Speaker A: You know, it's good. [01:07:02] Speaker C: And they hit that at the second installment. So I don't even know where they're going. Where do we put them next year? [01:07:09] Speaker B: Four hasn't already gone. [01:07:10] Speaker D: I hope that, I hope that Jason Statham, like, punches the shark in the eye next time. [01:07:16] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, yeah. [01:07:18] Speaker D: Fist fights. [01:07:19] Speaker C: Yeah. [01:07:19] Speaker B: The shark, the great white shark is one of, like, three animals that I couldn't take. [01:07:25] Speaker C: Oh, okay. [01:07:26] Speaker A: What are the other two? [01:07:27] Speaker B: No, I'm, I'm, you know, I'm honest. I'm human, I'm humble, and I think a great white shark could fuck me up, but it would, I'd put up a fight, would be close. [01:07:36] Speaker A: Sure. Okay. [01:07:38] Speaker C: What's your strategy? [01:07:39] Speaker B: Just fucking get in there, mate. [01:07:42] Speaker A: Just fucking get in there. [01:07:43] Speaker B: Just see what you can do. [01:07:47] Speaker D: I'm similar to you, and, like, I, but I, in a slightly different in that I don't think I would beat one. I think that I could make them my friend. [01:07:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:07:56] Speaker D: They would, they would sense that I'm not going to, you know, hurt them. [01:08:02] Speaker C: It makes perfect sense. [01:08:03] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. Just think good thoughts. [01:08:05] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, yeah. Swims right by. Not interested. Yeah. Uh huh. [01:08:12] Speaker C: It is interesting that that's the thing you've picked that you couldn't fight because, like, famously, you can kind of get away from a great white shark just by giving it a good little pop in the nose. They don't like. They're not into it. [01:08:23] Speaker B: Says who? Where does that come from? [01:08:24] Speaker C: Says, like, people who punch sharks in the nose and then they leave. [01:08:28] Speaker A: You should give them a little bit of green punch sharks in the nose. [01:08:32] Speaker B: Eileen, can you punch a shark and put it off by punching shock in the nose? [01:08:36] Speaker C: She don't gotta check pubmed for that. I'm right. [01:08:39] Speaker B: Those movies. And nobody thought to do that. [01:08:42] Speaker A: It's weird. It is odd. Yeah. [01:08:44] Speaker C: The end, you're a headlock. [01:08:45] Speaker B: You want to put them in a sleeper hole. That's what you want to do. [01:08:47] Speaker C: Just annoying nerve pinch the show, annoy the jaws into submission. Yeah. All you gotta do. That's why I should write movies, obviously. [01:08:59] Speaker A: So, I mean, there's not much more to say about jaws. Obviously the best shark. Like, it's weird that in the first in the series has the best shark and none even come close afterward, but best shark, great. End of the shark explodes, obviously exploding shark. [01:09:15] Speaker C: And just like characters yet you take with you, you know? I mean, is there anyone more iconic than quint? [01:09:21] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:09:21] Speaker A: No. No, there isn't. [01:09:24] Speaker B: A big one of the big crime of Jaws four is that it's scared to kill characters off. When you see a shark a character getting. Falling into a shark's mouth. A blur. [01:09:32] Speaker C: Don't worry, they'll be holding out for a fifth. This guy got bit inside of a sinking airplane. He's fine. Don't worry about it. Walk it off. [01:09:44] Speaker A: You know how much cocaine this guy's on? [01:09:50] Speaker C: They killed that child because it was high as fuck at that point. But can I just, like, just real quick, because I think we didn't mention this, though. The one thing that the fourth one is lacking. I don't know, maybe the bafflingness of it works for it. But how they killed that shark is still a mystery. [01:10:07] Speaker A: I'm not really sure. Like, device in there. They didn't say was like a flashlight. Right, right. And then they pierced it with the front of the boat and it exploded, popped like a balloon, like two frames. [01:10:21] Speaker B: And then gone to. [01:10:23] Speaker C: Yeah, they were like, don't worry about it. [01:10:26] Speaker D: Don't worry about it. Remember the psychic stuff and the way that they. Everybody wants to fuck each other. Think about that. [01:10:30] Speaker A: That's the fun part. [01:10:32] Speaker C: If there's anything we want you to take home with you, it's that everyone. [01:10:35] Speaker A: Wants to fuck each other. [01:10:37] Speaker C: And that's what we want you to take home to your listeners. [01:10:40] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:10:42] Speaker B: At least after the second one, at least. You couldn't call it a boring franchise, right? [01:10:47] Speaker A: No, no. [01:10:48] Speaker B: It pivots into kind of action with the third, fuck knows, eight. Like a 24 in the fourth one. It's a franchise that at least has plenty to say. [01:10:57] Speaker A: Right? Yeah. And I feel like if they had kept going, they would have got back to gold. That's the thing we find. [01:11:03] Speaker D: Yeah. Jaws would have gone to space. [01:11:06] Speaker A: Like, that's happened so often where a franchise just, like, it goes downhill, then it gets a little silly in the mid eighties ish, and then it just dies or goes the exact opposite way, which is more insane, more crazy. And it gets better and better and better. [01:11:23] Speaker C: See, I want to ask a question, too, that I asked Mark while watching this, because I have a thought on that. Has anyone ever remade a sequel? [01:11:30] Speaker B: Great, great question. [01:11:31] Speaker C: Oh, right. [01:11:33] Speaker A: That's a good idea, though. [01:11:34] Speaker C: Right? Because I would watch a remake of jaws three. I think the Bowers are. [01:11:39] Speaker A: Give it another shot. [01:11:40] Speaker C: Right. Especially in the post world. Right. Yeah. [01:11:45] Speaker D: You know, I'm really thinking. [01:11:46] Speaker C: Are you raising your hand, Riilda? It's a requel in it. [01:11:55] Speaker A: It's a recall. Yeah. So. Yeah, yeah, kinda. Kinda. And it integrates. [01:12:00] Speaker B: Yeah, that's kind of my thing. [01:12:01] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:12:02] Speaker C: Right. I say, like, remake jaws three. Call it jaws three. [01:12:08] Speaker D: Let's just go be 3d, too. [01:12:10] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. [01:12:11] Speaker D: We have to do for sure. [01:12:12] Speaker B: Don't say too loud. Hollywood will hear you. [01:12:16] Speaker A: There's a guy in the bushes right now. [01:12:20] Speaker C: Listen, we said we were gonna make a movie in 2025, and we've got an announcement for you. [01:12:24] Speaker A: It's jaws three, the remake. We got Mario and then people's back. [01:12:30] Speaker B: It's gonna be awesome. [01:12:31] Speaker A: No. Yeah, that. That is it. That's our ranking. I mean, I think it was astonishing that we all had the same ranking when we came together because I heard them talking and I was like, oh, I don't know if I agree with where we're going. And then I wrote them down. They wrote them down. We were all in the same spot. [01:12:51] Speaker C: Yeah. I think it's undeniable when you. [01:12:53] Speaker A: It is. It is. So let's recount that our. Our least to best with jaws. We got two. [01:13:00] Speaker B: Yep. [01:13:00] Speaker A: We got three. [01:13:01] Speaker B: Yep. [01:13:01] Speaker A: We got the revenge. And then we got number one at number one. [01:13:06] Speaker B: Perfect. [01:13:06] Speaker C: And do let us know your rankings. I am curious if everyone feels the same way. I mean, I know there are plenty of people who think two is a perfectly serviceable movie. [01:13:15] Speaker A: Sure. Yeah. They're probably not wrong. [01:13:18] Speaker D: That's part of why it's so low. [01:13:20] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:13:20] Speaker D: Is that. It's just. It's too safe. [01:13:24] Speaker A: Yeah. So take a risk. Send them to space. [01:13:31] Speaker B: I'm certain I've said this before. I'd. I'd. As counterintuitive as this sounds, I'd rather hate a movie. [01:13:37] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:13:37] Speaker B: Than be left completely. [01:13:38] Speaker D: Absolutely. You want to feel something? [01:13:41] Speaker A: Hatred is better than apathy, for sure. Yes. Teenager would say, but hatred is better than apathy. Want to go smoke clothes at the mall? [01:13:53] Speaker B: The new album from corn, hatred is better. [01:14:03] Speaker C: Anything further that we'd like to leave our friends with? [01:14:07] Speaker B: Only this. Um. [01:14:09] Speaker C: Give us that benediction. Let's go. [01:14:11] Speaker B: When my life ends as it will and. [01:14:18] Speaker A: Some doubt it. [01:14:19] Speaker C: That's awesome. [01:14:19] Speaker A: Doubt some scoff that you will die. [01:14:22] Speaker B: When my body dumps that DMT into my bloodstream. Right. [01:14:26] Speaker A: Right. Yeah. [01:14:28] Speaker B: That signifies my life is coming and the visions start to come. And my mind plays back some of its greatest moments. And your faces right now is gonna be in the highlight reel. [01:14:40] Speaker D: Yep. [01:14:40] Speaker B: So thank you very, very much indeed for coming. This has been a fucking blast. And of course, our rank is fucking agreeing to. [01:14:46] Speaker A: Thank you. Bad. [01:14:46] Speaker D: Thank you, guys. [01:14:47] Speaker A: Awesome. [01:14:48] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:14:48] Speaker D: We love you guys. [01:14:50] Speaker C: Stay spooky. Dear friends.